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Anxious Attachment Style: What It Looks Like & How to Heal

June 27, 2024

We all want to feel secure in our relationships, but often that is not the case. Having an anxious attachment style is characterized by a deep-seated fear of abandonment, coupled with a strong desire for closeness and reassurance in relationships. Individuals with anxious attachment may find themselves preoccupied with their partner's availability and responsiveness, often experiencing heightened anxiety when they perceive signs of rejection or distance.

Anxious attachment typically develops from early childhood experiences with caregivers who were inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or unresponsive to the child's needs. These experiences can create a deep-seated belief that relationships are unpredictable and that one must constantly seek reassurance and closeness to avoid abandonment.

Signs of Anxious Attachment

Recognizing the signs of anxious attachment can help you gain some self-awareness:

1. Seeking Reassurance: Constantly seeking reassurance from your partner about their feelings and commitment.

2. Fear of Abandonment: Feeling intense anxiety or fear of being abandoned or rejected by your partner.

3. Overanalyzing: Overanalyzing situations and interactions with your partner, often interpreting neutral actions as signs of potential abandonment.

4. Need for Closeness: Craving closeness and intimacy to feel secure, sometimes leading to feelings of suffocation or dependence.

5. Emotional Rollercoaster: Experiencing frequent fluctuations in mood based on your partner's responses or behaviors.

How to Heal Anxious Attachment

Healing from anxious attachment involves a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and intentional relational practices:

1. Develop Self-Awareness: Start by identifying and understanding your attachment style. Reflect on your past relationships and how your attachment patterns manifest in different contexts.

2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Recognize and challenge negative beliefs about yourself and relationships (e.g., "I'm not lovable," "I will always be abandoned"). Replace these beliefs with more realistic and compassionate thoughts.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries: Learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. This involves asserting your needs and preferences while respecting the autonomy of your partner.

4. Communicate Effectively: Practice open and honest communication with your partner. Express your feelings and needs clearly, and encourage your partner to do the same.

5. Build Secure Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can provide a secure base. Healthy relationships can serve as a corrective experience and help reshape your attachment style over time.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself throughout the healing process. Acknowledge that healing takes time and effort, and celebrate your progress along the way.

7. Seek Therapy: Consider seeking therapy with a therapist who specializes in attachment issues. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your attachment style, heal past wounds, and develop more secure relational patterns.

Healing from an anxious attachment style is definitely possible. The healing process takes time and effort, but when you really do the work it will help you have healthier relationships with others and yourself.